


Reveal

by cyndario



Series: Shudun Ryder | Seasons Change [5]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 08:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14077068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyndario/pseuds/cyndario
Summary: They've hit a wall.





	Reveal

Shudun watched absently as her foot moved in a steady rhythm along the metal of the chair as Lexi said nothing at first, simply scribbling and flipping through the journal she kept specifically for her. Shudun didn't dare break the silence just yet, waiting until Lexi spoke first. They both knew she wasn't exactly excited to be here—especially not after the Voeld recap. Or the subsequent sessions (trainwrecks, Shudun dubbed them) that followed.

 

Today was another one of her bi-weekly check ups, where Lexi fussed (Shudun’s words) over her. Shudun dreaded these visits now, but logically knew they were necessary.

 

So against her personal feelings—and trying to set a good example for the others—she kept showing up. She was never late or ran over her appointed time. Lexi learned quickly however that there was now an almost robotic feel to her responses; she was honest but… clinical.

 

Lexi could practically feel the wall Shudun erected whenever she tried to delve into the heart of things as Shudun refused to share more than she had to. She kept up the role of being the pragmatic and calm Pathfinder Ryder, but she never again allowed Lexi to see her as _Shudun._

 

Oh, she would catch glimpses of her when they spoke outside of these sessions. Or the way she would fight with every fiber of her being to look out for the crew—Lexi included. That blunt honesty here was wrapped up in obnoxious laughs and bright smiles outside those very same doors. She would scrunch her nose at a particularly odd question or turn of conversation with others. Or how she liked to hum quietly to herself as she meandered around the ship.

 

Setting her pen down, she folded her hands together over the top of her journal, watching and noting her body language. Shudun still had yet to look up since she entered the room.

 

Everything in her from a professional and personal standpoint wanted more than anything to be able to help her—reach her in some way—but Shudun was very adept at brushing it off.

 

“Ryder, will you please look at me?” Lexi finally asked gently, and Shudun nodded once before pulling her gaze upwards. She had a vacant look in her eyes as she stopped her fidgeting, settling comfortably into the back of her chair.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“No problem, I know this isn't something you like to do.”

 

“Doesn't mean I should zone out. So what's on the agenda today? What’re we talking about?” Shudun asked quickly, her tone not quite as inviting but… trying. Lexi noted this mentally before looking down at her notes. She glanced over a topic she had written down to ask at their next—current—session.

 

“Tell me about your brother.”

 

“Jabbar?”

 

“Yes. Tell me about him in your own words. Who is he to you? How was life growing up? Were you excited to join him to Andromeda?”

 

Shudun chuckled at her questions, crossing her legs at the ankles as she thought of the right way to answer.

 

“He's a brat, but he's my brat of a brother. I guess it doesn't help that I remind him of being the oldest every chance I get. Or that momma spoiled the shit out of him.”

 

“Was he easy getting along with over the years?”

 

“Like I said, he a brat. But he’s so damn sweet most of the time you can't really fault him for it. Don't tell him I told you.” She joked, and Lexi smiled a bit at her attempts at humor.

 

“So you have fond memories growing up with him, then?”

 

“Yup.” Shudun answered, popping her lips on the last syllable. Lexi waited patiently for her to elaborate but realized after a few moments that she wasn't going to.

 

“So, let's get back to my original questions. What were your feelings in regards to joining him and your father to Andromeda? It’s noted that you were one of the last to enroll.”

 

“Damn, really?” Shudun didn't know that pinged on her file.

 

“What caused your hesitation?” Lexi pressed, and Shudun stretched a bit before she answered.

 

“Besides traveling two million light years across Deep Space, you mean?” Shudun questioned sarcastically, arching her brow as her smile widened.

 

“Yes, besides that.” Lexi chuckled at her tone, knowing she switched it up to make her laugh.

 

“Someone needed to watch out for that boy. He has a slick mouth; I've broken up my share of brawls because of it. I’ve been egged into a few because of it, too.”

 

“Your brother was confrontational?

 

“He can be. He's more assured of himself—or he fakes very well, I can never tell. Either way some people weren't fond of it. And that's where I stepped in.”

 

“How do you think the relationship was between him and Alec?”

 

“Thought the sun shined out of his ass, for the most part. Oh, he was a momma’s boy, but he wanted to be like dad so damn bad. All Jabbar wanted was for him to notice us. I got tired of waiting _way_ quicker than he did.”

 

“It's only natural for a child to long for their parent’s acceptance.”

 

“You're right, but Jabbar _needed_ it. Needed dad to be proud of him. He joined the Alliance to follow in his footsteps. I did it to keep him out of trouble.”

 

“You were protective of him. How close were you?” Shudun’s jaw ticked at Lexi’s use of past tense—yet again—in regards to her brother and it was starting to grate on her nerves.

 

He wasn't gone; she needed to stop talking like he was.

 

“Let's just say that when he jumped at this, I… I felt it better to follow and be miserable than be alone in the Milky Way.”

 

“And how does he being comatose affect you?”

 

“Almost as pissed as you continuously referring to him in the past fucking tense.” Shudun snapped, her easy demeanor retreating. She sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair, muttering an apology at Lexi again.

 

Lexi brushed it off, knowing it wasn't personal. Emotions were good, this showed progress. “You miss him. And this prolonged separation is hard.” Lexi concluded, and Shudun nodded as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

 

“It sucks. Jabbar’s weird ass would be having so much _fun_.”

 

Shudun smiled sadly thinking of him, her bottom lip caught slightly between her teeth.

 

“But I’m just gonna wait until he wakes up and tell him about all the shit he missed out on. He’ll be pissed he didn't get the chance to outrun a vault purification smog.”

 

“You've done that twice now and came back shaken each time. Do you really think he’ll be disappointed he missed out on it?”

 

“Oh yeah. I told you he’s weird.” Shudun laughed lightly, but Lexi didn't reciprocate. Her eyes looked almost sad as she asked the next question.

 

“Even if you tell him that's what caused your father’s passing?”

 

Shudun’s smile fell as her breathing hitched. Blinking quickly, Shudun dug her fingers, clenching into the skin of her thighs. Looking past Lexi, she noted that her session ended just then and abruptly stood up.

 

“Another time, Doc.”

 

Lexi turned to her line of vision and quickly got to her feet.

 

“Ryder?”

 

Shudun stopped just before the door, tilting her head to the side as she silently acknowledged her.

 

“Take care of yourself. See you in two weeks.” She replied gently, and Shudun nodded before ducking out the door. Lexi released a heavy sigh as she dragged her hand down her face.

 

She had a lot of work to do.


End file.
